Alethea's Ride in Life

God

2011-12-03T00:32:00.004+08:00

bits and pieces that are stuck in my brain

1st sunday of advent- hope "you may be at the bottom of the ladder if you follow God's ways but you must remember that your reward will not be of this world if you follow His ways"

1st friday of the month - faith - Pray, ask and you will receive. God will answer your prayers, in strange unknown ways (and usually at the 11th hour too). Lift everything up to God because he owns the world. Let him clear your debts and problems.

The importance of prayer cannot be emphasised enough , the strength of prayer is out of this world.

Sometimes we Christians forget God when we are caught up in this world even when we attend weekly sunday mass. we forget what road or journey we are taking. what our end goal is. isn't our end goal to land up in heaven when we pass on from this world?

Memorare

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.Amen.

"that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided"

pray the rosary. pray to God. ask for guidance and grace to walk through this world, to face whatever obstacles that come your way.

engagement, marriage and life planning

2011-09-17T21:40:00.002+08:00

As you get older, as you walk through the passage of time, you find more and more people around you moving on to other stages of life while you are stuck in a stasis.

that is not a good feeling. it's not as if you don't want to move on, its just you don't know how.

when more and more people move on to other stages of life after uni, beyond work, to finding a life partner and you are still alone, all you feel is envy, fear, thinking "where the hell is my man?!"

i would like to think that i'm not desperate and i know i cannot be desperate because that would just lead to making wrong life changing decisions but at this age and you have people either a couple of years younger than you, or a couple of years older than you or the same age as you in a long term relationship planning to get hitched, engaged or already married it leads you to think "what in the world am i doing?" "why arent i in a relationship yet when so many of my friends are getting settled?" and you start to panic and self-pity and think about how to spend the rest of your life single with 5 cats or terrapin or whatever.

its not too early now to plan your life because planning is one thing, reality is another. sigh.

PE election 2011

2011-08-07T21:30:00.003+08:00

presidential elections are coming and although there is not much fervor in the printed press as compared to the may 7th elections, debate is strife online.

i'm not an expert in things like these and my opinion may be of low standard. but i feel the need to speak out in this onslaught of anti government sentiments riding from may 7th election.

in lieu of our foreign affairs and law minister's speech...there has been outcries against the constitution of the president and how stupid, inane and pro government the incumbent party has made the president constitution. even candidates themselves object to it.

then these are the qns i would like to ask:

1. didnt you read the constitution before you applied for eligibility to become president? if you did then why didnt you know what you have such limited vocal capabilities?

2. isnt the president suppose to be above politics?

3. what is your true purpose of becoming president, to oppose the government? if you want to oppose the government then why are you applying to be president when an being an opposition MP gives you a bigger, more transparent voice in parliament and your voice gets printed in the papers?

as i told a friend;

a president should be above politics, above politics does not mean pro government, it means you should be IMPARTIAL. and when you are IMPARTIAL you talk about other things that are NOT related to a)politics b) speaking for the people (because that's the job of an MP. if the president speaks for the people that what is the MP suppose to do?) if you do not know what a president does read today's ST. anything that does not get reported on everyday papers does not mean it didn't happen.

an impartial president is impartial for a reason because he should be the unifying force of a country(which is currently divided in 60:40) for the imminent global economic meltdown which will be much worse than the GFC. I do not see that in the statements made by most of the candidates. what i see is that most of the candidates are riding on anti pap sentiments left over by the may 7th election, riding on it to their advantage to get the top job so that they can get back at the government because they were either asked to leave statutory boards or their government positions. their slogans do not reflect a long term outlook for singapore and what they plan to do for singapore as a country other than be anti government.

anti government sentiments seems to be everywhere and i bet you when some anti government candidates do not make the cut some supporters would protest against the decision and say that the government was behind such a move. when it is stated in the constitution the conditions for eligibility. if the electorate is such.... call me a drama queen...but my heart will hurt for singapore and fear for its future. truth to be told i have no faith in my generation to make singapore survive in this world. cuz in my view we are a soft, pampered and complaining lot with no sense of reality.

a looming economic crisis which i think have the potential to be greater than the GFC

2011-08-05T20:47:00.003+08:00

I'm no expert, just an economics graduate and commenting on the world economy is what i do (as a pastime for now...until i get a job)

Looking at the past events this week, namely US signed debt deal which consist of a raised debt ceiling and spending cuts. US seem to have averted danger at the last minute but looking at stock market reactions i think investors have zero confidence in the US government's ability to avoid default for real or to actually bring down their debt significantly. Investors have no confidence in the stock market, no confidence in the real market, no confidence in US policy decisions.... i think we have a huge problem over here. The US problem is deeper than most of us thing and it seems to me there is not a single solution to it in sight.

ever since the fall of lehmann brothers, US has been pumping in money into its economy, but it has yet to be revived. interest rates are near zero, but there is no impact. a burgeoning debt is rearing is ugly head

Across the other side of the Atlantic Ocean (is it the correct ocean? my geography is crap. so pardon me if its wrong) , US has troubled allies too. Europe is still bleeding. After Greece it has bigger problems such as Spain and Italy. Greece had a 2nd bail out last month and experts dont think it will not stop the domino effect. Economies of Spain and Italy as so much bigger than that of Greece's. Government bonds of these countries have jumped well above 6% when EU average in the past was 3-4%. England has been stagnating for quite some time and after the GFC it was said that by 2015 it has the possibility of going bankrupt.

The only saving grace Europe has is Germany (and maybe France) with a relatively strong economy and a government with no debt but how willing is Germany to save its numerous neighbors is a question and how much can it save with so many economies collapsing around it.

With all these crises looming, what is its effect on singapore? one word. BAD. Singapore's economy is highly exposed to anything that is happening in the world cuz just like the physical size of our country, our economy compared to other's is puny. Our SGD may be rising against the other currencies which i think is most probably due to our hot property market but the moment US slips into recession it will come crashing down again. In my opinion, the GFC never ended back in '09. call me a pessimist but i think the recent growth was just an illusion of something even worse to come.

With such an outlook on the prosperity of Singapore leads me to my next point. The presidential elections on August 27th 2011. Just a few hours ago, CNA posted an article on what K Shanmugam, our Law and Foreign Affairs Minister said about the constitutional powers of the President; what the president can do and what he is unable to do.

here's the link. http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/1145264/1/.html have a read and take a real good look at the candidates before voting. i think most of my close friends know my choice. it might be a good idea to read the constitution while you are at it.

food for thought: no economy can prosper all the time there will come a time where it reaches its limit and goes downhill from there. look at the G7: US, England, Germany, France, Italy, Japan and Canada. out of all the 7 countries 4 of them have hit a ceiling of sorts and are declining. Singapore although is a young country is a developed economy. with the quality of younger generation that we have (post '80ers) is our time as a developed economy up? i wonder and fear for our future.

2 weeks in singapore

2011-07-28T22:31:00.003+08:00

its been almost two weeks since i came back and i am STILL not getting use to the humidity and heat. can it just freaking rain?! (maybe thats not a too good of an idea but its welcoming)

ever since i've been back i've been preoccupied with trying to get my visa application done. for those of you who don't know i was trying to apply for a skill (temporary) graduate visa that allows me to work and travel and do whatever i want (within legal boundaries of course) for 18months. i was rushing deadlines and trying to do whatever i can to apply but a week into trying to get all the paperwork in order i found out that during the processing of the visa application (which takes 12 months...i know i know... its beyond me too) i have to stay in australia and not leave the country. riiighhhhttttt.....

after a few days of hard thinking and mind racking i decided that staying in australia for 12 months without leaving is not a risk i am willing to take. it's fine if i have a job. but what if i can't find a job? the odds are big in australia. with the recent carbon tax implementation, a stagnating retail sector...things aren't looking good. with a US debt crisis looming and EU still bleeding and more countries to fall soon....things arent looking good for a international student aka a migrant wannbe aka classless person. (i exaggerate. pardon me)

so now the good news for all you friends out there is i will be in singapore for good. (note: from mid october onwards though) bad news is i'll be nagged at by parents, feasted on by annoying mosquitoes and getting hot and bothered by the heat and humidity wishing it would just rain for the good of all mankind.

moving on to other things i got a new air conditioner unit in my room and it works like charm. quiet and cold. the air conditioner in the kitchen is spoilt. it just decided to spit water after a long time of disuse. i got a new fan too! better than my old one which is in my brother's room. all i need now is a WC with a stronger flush. then its all good. (i joke)

it's been a long time

2011-07-18T16:27:00.003+08:00

it's been a long time from the last post.

it's been a long time since i wrote down my thoughts for that handful of readers who still come to drop in from time to time.

it's been a long time since i started formal education.

after 17 years of academic life, i finally close the schooling chapter of my life and welcome working life with anticipation and trepidation.

"welcome to the real world" its an adventure and may or may not be a painful one. but one most important thing now is to save and live on grass. no unnecessary spending, time for financial planning and building a nest.

leaving school is opening a new chapter in my life but its not a big deal. mostly because my transcript isn't pretty. not at all. there's no sense of fulfillment or achievement or whatsoever.

the thought of working, the concept of working to me is a mean to survive in the material world, to build a future for myself and my kids. it's time to plan. and saving is the utmost important goal. and getting a boyfriend too -.~

back in sydney

2011-03-03T18:56:00.003+08:00

new semester new resolutions

besides studying and mugging and scoring (duh) i will have to

1. lose weight

2. sign up for a yoga/pilates class

3. be more active in blogging (hahaha i say that all the time)

4. at least attend weekly friday mass

the first week of school is coming to an end. my gosh so fast. i feel like i've been barely here for a week. although the previous week b4 sch started was a pain trying to get my room cleaned and in working order.

a new semester, i hope for better things. i better pass all those damn things with flying colours to boot.

Whats your Philosophy of Life?

2011-03-03T18:07:00.003+08:00

I should have blogged this ages ages ago back in early feb but got too lazy and procrastination got in the way. so here i am blogging about a sermon i heard 2 months back while eating yoghurt for supper.

what is your philosophy of life? different people have different mottos that they live by. cape diem is the most commonly heard.

as Catholics, our philosophy of life should be centered on God. besides the 10 commandments that govern our actions the beatitudes are no less important. the beatitudes *hold on for a moment while i crack open my Bible* is written in the gospel of matthew 5:3-10 and is under the heading of "True Happiness"

"Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor;

the Kingdom of heaven belongs to them!

Happy are those who mourn;

God will comfort them!

Happy are those who are humble;

they will receive what God has promised!

Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires;

God will satisfy them fully!

Happy are those who are merciful to others;

God will be merciful to them!

Happy are the pure in heart;

they will see God!

Happy are those who work ofr peace;

God will call them his children!

Happy are those who are persecuted because they do

what God requires;

the Kingdom of heaven belongs to them!

Happy are you when people insult you and persecute you and tell all kinds of veil lies against you because you are my followers. Be happy and glad, for a great reward is kept for you in heaven. This is how the prophets who lived before you were persecuted. "

How apt is the heading? true happiness in God. sounds right right? in this day and age of instant gratification with periods of short lived happiness God is providing us an avenue of true and eternal happiness. what we have to do is to live the Christian life, exemplify the Christian faith. even the spiritually poor will have the Kingdom of God. we are all spiritually poor but if we try and are serious about reforming and ask God's help for it we would get there isn't it? "Ask and it shall be given to you"

my goodness all that nagging GEEZ

2011-01-26T20:12:00.003+08:00

all that nagging and control is driving me up the wall. all those assumptions without seeing evidence. just because you don't see doesnt mean i don't do it. damn it all. these are the days that i really contemplate taking PR and be done with it. no more control. no more nagging.

update

2011-01-25T17:01:00.001+08:00

i'm going to make some amendments to the post below but that will only happen tmr as i will not be free tonight.

-page break-

updates are done.

your take?

2011-01-25T09:11:00.004+08:00

http://www.mysinchew.com/node/51920

what i'm going to write now will be related to the above article. there are 3 parts to it Muslims, eugenics and our neighbours.

muslims: maybe things were brought out of context? or misunderstood?

in order to prevent fundamentalism from taking root, understanding, respect and stepping out of your comfort zone of "own ethnicity" to mix with others is crucial. this is done through mixing races together and usually point of contacts are in school where you make friends or in the workplace.

that being said how does one try and make friends with Muslims when they have their own schools which majority of us don't attend? u can "integrate" Buddism, Christianity and Hinduism because these faiths come together and see each other in secular society, their kids mix together in schools. being "less strict on observances" can mean alot of things so what did MM Lee mean by that the article did not say. He was only quoted for that statement and other damning statements from a malaysian newspaper.

However, the other stuff that he said i disagree. the surge in Islam did not make the Muslim community in Singapore more closed off. but neither did it make the community more open. However, one aspect of the surge in Islam is a cause for concern for Singapore and all the over the world and that is fundamentalism. However, one can argue that each faith has elements/individuals who are fundamentalists but it can also be questioned that do their extreme orthodox beliefs cause worldwide terror?

eugenics: although i don't agree that a smart mare coupled with a smart stallion will produce a excellent foal. BUT society has a mentality similar to that. translate that horse analogy to economic statuses.

would you (a female) want to marry a man who earns a lower income( lets say a non professional) than you? would you? ask yourself that question and answer truthfully. because in the future when you have kids you would be a)the sole bread winner b) take care of the kids c)take care of the house and bills. are you ready for that? if you are a guy its different because if you marry a woman who earns a lower income than you, you are a)the sole bread winner and pay the bills. thats it.

even if MM Lee did not say anything the mare will go and find a smart stallion.

because smart stallions=guys with outstanding academic results coming from reputable unis and an outstanding career and why do they have such stations in life? thats because they have the money and women will gravitate to such men. (i'm not saying that all women will marry for money. but women do wish to marry a rich man. who wouldn't)

another case in point people find their gfs/bfs in school (that include unis) those that get married either marry colleagues or friends of colleagues or school sweethearts and all of these are uni grads.

therefore my point is MM Lee just verbalise what is happening today. nothing new. he just put it in a harsher way.

friendly neighbours: i find it funny that one commenter in t o c (gotta do that just in case someone googles and i'll be a free meal) that only MM Lee thinks we have hostile neighbours. has he/she forgotten what our neighbours did to us? Sand imports, reclamation, water. we do not have friendly neighbours. if we do, singapore licensed cars wont get summons for no good reason.

talking about t o c and t r , are these websites created to jumpstart free press in sg or they created as an opposition. if they are created to jumpstart free press i think they have lost sight of their purpose. people commenting on articles and anything to do with pap are criticizing pap and its policies for the sake of criticism and do have a biased slant. if they say s t is propaganda then isn't that pot calling the kettle black? don't sue me but this is my take. don't get me wrong t o c and t r do provide a fresh point of view that isnt usually seen in s t but if their purpose is free press then they aren't giving objective viewpoints. however, which newspaper is objective? newspapers in us and uk have a particular slant its just that they have so many newspaper agencies that support either left wing or right wing that it gives perception of free speech. but will a person who support the right wing read a left wing newspaper?

food for thought: yesterday s t printed a phrase from hard truths regarding china it went something along the lines of " when the time comes and they have the money and the power they will look down on you in condescension" how true. how very very true. even NOW, in usyd, there are some who look down on you on the fact that you are chinese and yet speak horrible mandrin. there are some who look down on you based on your capability to handle school material.

maybe tiger momma's parenting style do have a point. we have to be excellent and not average because the PRCs that we are dealing with outside china are not average but a large percentage of us are average. therefore to cultivate an excellent child you have to be a tiger. but at what cost of the kid's development socially and mentally? and not every child can be excellent.

side note on the polls. those that polled might have just put the politically correct answer or they truely believe that singapore is ready for a non-chinese PM we would never know.

if they truly believe that singapore is ready for a non-chinese PM then MM Lee would have missed the point that singaporeans even though still mix with their own races 90% of the time are comfortable stepping out of their comfort zones and are smart enough to know that the person they vote in as PM has singapore's best interest.

if MM Lee is right that pollsters voted for the politically correct answer then well he is right.

only time will tell. most probably not in this GE but down the road in the future.

this is the article that started it all

2011-01-23T20:48:00.001+08:00

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html

i have nothing to say. she is psychotic.

tiger mother? more like insane

2011-01-23T18:05:00.002+08:00

if anyone of you have been reading the ST you would know this hoo ha caused by yale graduate (and whatever accolades she has) who wrote about her parenting and asian-style parenting in general. i have not read the book but from the excerpts the newspaper printed all i can do is shake my head in despair and ask myself is she even human?

from the excerpts that i've gleaned from the papers she is crazy! to force her child to sit in front of the piano to master a nursery rhyme overnight under the threat of burning all her soft toys?! to force her kids to master piano, dance and whatever things they do AND not get below an A? is there even time to sleep??

this begs the question have competition in the real world become so stiff that people have to resort to such methods to FORCE their children to excel? its a wonder that they have not committed suicide yet. this behaviour prompts me to ask has the world become a place such that success can only be quanlified as playing in Carnegie Hall at age 14 or waiting for a place to the prestigious arts school in NY?

people say no pain no gain. but then if you don't have a life how do you enjoy a gain?

it questions a parent's motivtion to push a child all those extra stuff.for what purpose do you push ur child to take piano lessons and take dance lessons and a multitude of other stuff?

from what i can see its purely for her personal gain. to get the glory, to able to respond to people when they say "ur child is brilliant." "oh no not at all. i have to do alot of work with her and i did this... i did that..." and she's telling it all in a book. sick.

today's paper's featured other parents in sg and one article made me bulk in revulsion. its at A8 of prime news. article reads "children need drilling" article went on to say about how said parent will pull her children together if she sees a misbehaving kid and ask them if its the right behaviour to make a spectacle of the parents. and she said it as if she feels good doing it. talk about pervertic.

has parenting become a competition too? to compete for who grooms the best behaving child in public? we have already enough rude and ungracious people in society, people who are so selfish to not give seats for old ladies and old gentlemen and pregnant women in a rush hour. our society certainly do not need people who view misbehaving kids in public places as animals in a zoo.

her kids who look up to her as a role model may jolly well do the same thing to their kids and see nothing wrong with it and at that point in time it is safe to say singapore society has totally become inhumane in that respect.

beware... singapore will soon be a country of the walking dead. literally.

hmmm what to write ah?

2011-01-15T10:59:00.001+08:00

its been a week or so since my last post. nothing much has been happening. only thing that happened this week is i've got a serious case of writer's block and therefore cannot write a single report at work. no progress has been made. die. 2 reports in two weeks. 1 week for 1 report with a bad case of writer's block. inspiration come back to me!!!!

filial piety...a pile of bullshit

2011-01-09T17:30:00.002+08:00

condemn me if you want but i am too damn frustrated,pissed to care. currently i believe filial piety ingrained in me by chinese society is something used by parents to oppress kids.

just because i complain about my absolute lack of freedom to go out at night as and when i want to does not mean i will abuse that right (if its ever given) and go out at night as and when i want to without a care of "family" or till the wee hours of the night.

JUST because you do not SEE me reading educational books or whatever shit u call it in order to"enrich" my brain does not MEAN i DON'T. just because you see my brother with a book in hand in 1 morning DOES NOT mean he does it EVERY MORNING. FOR PETE'S SAKE

JUST because YOU think i'm not focused, have my heads in the clouds DOES NOT MEAN I AM. FOR GOD'S SAKE i'm a FREAKING 24 YEAR OLD WHO KNOWS HOW TO THINK. BLARDY HELL!!!!!

YOU say it is because of YOU and your restraints that i have today. FINE. i don't deny that. BUT your restraints TODAY are not useful ANYMORE and is driving to your kid to RESENTMENT.

what happened to the bible saying "parents do not drive your children to resentment"? well i guess it doesn't apply because ALL FOCUS is on "children respect your parents" children cannot talk back cuz its RUDE, children cannot say a single shit cuz its NOT RIGHT well people, when they try to DEFEND themselves for THEIR actions its WRONG JUST because the adults are OLDER. oh for pete's sake, JUST because you are OLDER doesn't mean you KNOW EVERY DAMN THING.

discussions are USELESS if you only want to hear what you want to hear and believe what you do is right.

WELL NEWSFLASH darling, ITS NOT!
RESENTMENT IS GROWING OVER HERE. HELLO~

and if i try to defend myself you go the guilt trip road and say i'm not grateful and scold me even more.

i do not have the RIGHT to speak OUT against what i feel is unjust because i'm suppose to be OH SO respectful BECAUSE of filial piety enforced on us by society and keep silent when being told off. oh piss off.

i'm going to get PR. this is what you want isn't it? but guess what? it's not for career. it's not for myself. it's for....well brace yourself darling cuz u are gonna get a big big shock well i say it out. it's BECAUSE i want OUT of your RANGE OF CONTROL. did ya faint? oh dear. well tough luck buddy cuz IT'S THE TRUTH. i want to stay in singapore to work because i love this country and i want to contribute to the economy. to give back to the country that has nurtured me. BUT your CONTROL is driving me INSANE and I WANT OUT!

sheepish grin

2011-01-05T16:03:00.002+08:00

okay i did say i would blog regularly but ah well laziness set in. and ever since starting work i have an aversion to staring at the computer screen. so most of the time my laptop is unplugged at home. and as you can see i'm blogging this from office. a risk i would say :p

today the compliance dude that usually shares my work space isn't here. which i am very very very glad for. its called FREEDOM!!!! plugging in my fav bsb songs singing along to it while reading my stuff. he will be back tmr. darn. all that youtub-ing, msn-ing, fb-ing drives me to distraction.

just now i was "reading" with my eyes half closed i.e. i was pretending to read but in fact i'm napping. there. i came clean with it. what happened next is the kicker. my supervisor came in to prepare tea and at the same time talk to me. i was like thinking "oh crap" while continue to converse with him. my goodness. shite. and here i was thinking i was hoping to ask him to write a testimonial and he caught me napping. riiiiiggghhhht.

he asked me after writing two reports how do i find the work. i gave some lame ass answer saying every firm is different so approach is different so gotta use abit of brains. right.... =.=" i mean i do find myself using my brains and it is challenging. i mean coughing up reports that are of professional quality is not funny. i once said that to j lo and he said "well i reckon your supervisor doesn't think it is" or somewhere along those lines. he has a point.

supervisor said my first report is "okay". i wanted to clarify with him then he moved on to say that all of the fund managers are rushing reports for FY2010 and are moody so i guess not.... which also means he isn't going to read my 2nd report anytime soon. i think i am doing stuff too slowly but seriously these firms are outrageous. they do all sorts of crap!!!! lumbering giants that do not create returns but guzzle in money. its damn hard to analyse and see value in those firms. wonder what my sup sees in them.... just cuz its from an emerging economy...

the following reports are gonna be a pain. talking about pain man! i've got a serious complaint. and i swore yesterday via sms. yes you saw that right dear reader, i swore not verbally. via sms. okay seriously everybody think interns are stupid people who have no brains with no thought process. i emailed this analyst yesterday to ask for an annual report of a particular firm. she gave me the link to the company's website saying that the annual report is inside. seriously lady? THERE IS A REASON why i emailed you for the annual report. if i could have found it on the company website which i DID the day before but couldnt print it out cuz that webpage is a piece of shite. i wouldnt have emailed you for it. like puhleese.... interns do have brains and they THINK. for goodness sake! treat them with respect!!! like DUH the first thing a person does if he/she wants to know more about a firm first stop is company website!!! i was very pissed after i read her email.

then my supervisor said i have to evaluate my reports by myself because he will be in reservice next friday. cuz i handed up my reports 2/3 weeks ago and there still wasnt any feeback so i emailed him saying what does he have in mind for evaluation or process or i gotta refine the stuff myself. evaluate the reports myself?? like what?? how in the world am i suppose to do that when 1) i'm an intern 2) improve that report when all i have is my point of view on the material i've read?? like how in the world am i suppose to improve on that damn thing when i don't even know what went wrong in the first place?

i was beyond pissed that i was out the office door by 5. even earlier than that compliance dude. for once. FOR ONCE.

nvm. whatever. i'll do my best. see what he says at the end of my stint. he most probably won't read any of it. sheesh. this is why i feel all the work i'm doing is useless. there's a report at the end of all that research there isn't an outcome cuz he ain't gonna read it. i mean i was mentally prepared that he won't bother to read it but to actually know that is a different thing u know what i mean?

themes i will blog about in the future

2010-12-20T22:33:00.003+08:00

Theme 1: developing a masters' level mind

"please alethea i want you to understand something our abilities come from ourselves, how we develop them, if you have the lack of a masters' brain, go develop one"

"by reading right?"

"by reading, thinking about your subject material, processing"

"my processes get stuck on the surface"

"then don't let them. push them down" (i'm amused)

"by reading even more right?"

"haha. i suppose and thinking about it, find the connections, the patterns, ask why" (i guess its abit difficult since i take things as it is. simple-minded me)

"abit too late for my report due thurs"

"yeah nevertheless you can start its bound to be useful (u're telling me) the experience you will gain from elevating your mind to that high level eventually you'll become true masters material

i've lots to read biz times, economist, straits times, analyst reports, things to nourish my brain and ask why... why ah?

theme 2: dear colleague

my dear colleague that has to share his work space with me. who youtubes, msn, facebook and play with his iphone. who makes me unable to concentrate and slack too holding the "monkey see monkey do" theory to a T. thats why i always hope he goes on leave.

work

2010-12-20T20:37:00.002+08:00

today at 5:34 my supervisor told me he doesn't want to see me in office after 5:30pm and get a life. he said this rule only applies to interns and not to officially working people. there are only 2 ways to think about this 1. he thinks i'm some hermione granger 2. he thinks i am staying for the sake of staying.

the funny thing is today i wanted to leave at 5 sharp but it poured at 5 sharp. i had to wait for the rain to stop before going hope. but i didn't managet to tell him that. and i have been going off on time last wed thurs and friday just that he didnt know. but on average i've been leaving at 6.

hilarious.

wikileaks

2010-12-15T21:10:00.001+08:00

with all that ho ha about wikileaks i thought i should blog about it too. people talk about transparency, freedom of speech and everything but at the end of the day the passing of information and everything isn't it all about greed? in exchange for information isn't something else put forward too?

working life

2010-12-15T21:08:00.003+08:00

FINALLY after some time i have the time to blog about my life. as boring as it is. work to me...as much as i complain, as tedious as it is, i like it. what am i doing? research and report writing this internship is meaningful. even if i don't get paid at the end of the day, its an experience that is useful to me that i can learn from.

confession part 2 cont'd

2010-12-15T20:56:00.003+08:00

i not writing this under the spell of inspiration so i'll try to make it as fluent as possible.

now about this argument of reconciliation and sort of being "mindless" about it. repentance is to admit that your are guilty committing this sin. so when u confess, you admit, you know you are wrong even if you don't FEEL the wrongness isn't there conscience already?

this advent has been repentant for the past 3 weeks since fr paul goh gave homily. he said quite meaningful things last week for joy.

but there was one thing he said that was very interesting. he said we are "greater" than john the baptist as long as we can proclaim "my lord and my God". i can't remember the context he said it in. but it had something to do with john the baptist's waning faith when he was in prison, doubting if Jesus was the Messiah. because if Jesus wasn't the Messiah he would be "barking up the wrong tree" in a sense but he had Jesus's word then through the disciples to have faith in him. and we KNOW that Jesus is the Messiah because he died,was buried and resurrected the next day thats why Jesus "my lord and my God". but John the Baptist can't proclaim that because he died before Jesus's passion. but we can. Doubting Thomas proclaimed because he saw. but happy are those who didn't see but still believe.

He ended off the homily by saying that we do not need to persuade/coax people or even force people to come to the Catholic Church or come back to Catholic Church. what we need to do is to LIVE the Christian life. Be living examples of Christ and how do we do that? we read the Bible. the will of the Lord is in there. read the Bible to know the will of the Lord but of course there are things in there that we shouldn't take literally. yes its about time we read the Bible and not only know the will of God, but fight for our faith too.

confession part 2

2010-12-04T22:30:00.002+08:00

someone discussed with me about my previous blog post and she said that going for confession is because we believe it will benefit somewhere somehow, going through the motion without having the feeling of change going on so then have you actually reconciled? we do it because we know that somewhere somehow it is going to make a difference, to benefit us but then isn't it almost like being mindless about it again? just like some investment; pump it in and hope that it will add up to something( not that crude but just take the underlying concept)

i will post a reply to this when i'm in the condition to think better.

feast of st francis xavier

2010-12-03T11:43:00.002+08:00

"what good is it for a man to have the whole world but an empty soul" (something along those lines)

Today's feast of St Francis Xavier teaches us to live the Christian life by example. to be able to die to self to help others in need/proclaim the Good News. St Francis Xavier before he was called to do God's work had a bright future in front of him in the worldly materialistic sense but after being convinced by ( i cant remember that person's name) he put down what he had and travelled around the world to bring Christianity to Asia; India, SEA and a couple of other places.

once again, the theme of materialism arises. and especially befitting this christmas. last sunday was the first sunday of advent; hope. In our whole lives, we hope for the coming of Jesus be in at the end of time or at the time of our deaths whichever comes first. This christmas, we prepare ourselves, living in hope for the coming of the infant Jesus. What better way to prepare ourselves than going for the sacrament of reconciliation; to clear out a year's worth of dust and dirt to welcome Jesus into our hearts.

Fr Paul Goh refuted a very common argument that we have ( he said quite a few i can only remember this one)

i always commit the same sin, why should i go for confession then?

ans: that argument is the same as why do you bath when u get dirty all the time. which is flawed. it is natural for us to commit the same sin everytime and therefore it is natural for us to go for confession for the same sins everytime. this is where the gift of perseverance and God's mercy comes in. we commit the same sin over and over again we confess it over and over again and there will come a time where we are sick of doing it that we change. change is hard therefore we confess numerous multiple times before we do so. even if we don't change as long as we go for confession, we know we have done wrong, arent we assured of God's mercy?

another thing about confession is that when we go and confess the question we always ask ourselves is is this only a ritual that i go through only because i have to or because i truly feel sorry for committing this sin.

to me i feel, as long as you know you have done wrong and confess it, God's mercy is with you.

to truly feel is to search for an emotion to feel guilty about it, many a times we feel guilty while committing sin, but after some time we are numb to that guilty feeling and come to the confessional box we know we have done something wrong but there is no emotion. but to admit that you have done something wrong isn't that self reflection and asking for God's help to do better?

we go to confession because we have to, because we know we have committed sin no matter how trivial it is and we need God's help thereon after to do better than we did before we enter the confessional. we fail again and again to keep God's commandments, thats the frailty of human nature. thats us. Jesus was God made into Man. He was different, He was human yet divine. We are called to be like Him, as God's children, we are called to be saints ( a msg always on All Saints Day) so that we can be in paradise with Him. But in this journey to be God's children, we are not alone and God will always be there for us to help us in the Sacrament of Reconciliation and the Sacrament of the Eucharist.

These two Sacraments are the two most important Sacraments of the Church. God's bountiful mercy in Reconciliation and God with us,in us, through the Eucharist.

this christmas, let us go for reconciliation to receive the Jesus with a more pure heart than a normal sunday. we may not feel different but to God it may make a difference to have more children return to Him.

On another note, since we are already on the topic of religion, the catholic church now is facing alot of scandals with its priest and bishops committing crimes. there might be much more stuff that we don't know about, but i ask fellow catholics not to lose faith in Our Church. we make up the body of Christ. always remember that there are also many good priest out there. priests are humans too and they commit sin too.

temptation is a choice. temptation do not make us sin. it is our frailty that make us do so. the devil is much smarter than us and more often than not we fall to his trap and hence sin. therefore, we need God's help to fight off the devil and his minions in our daily life. turn more often to God in reconciliation and prayer and the devil will bother us less.

progression of techonology

2010-12-01T16:03:00.002+08:00

alex and i bemoan the fact that nobody read blogs anymore. they go faster info channels such as facebook and twitter. i finally realise this today. annoucement on fb to go read blog--> questions on facebook-->hooha on twitter.

2010-11-29T22:13:00.002+08:00

as you can see i'm going on a josh groban vid hunt oh but whatever... his voice never fails to amaze me

melbourne

2010-11-29T21:56:00.002+08:00

a 3 day 3 night trip to melbourne and i am not going to stay at a backpackers if i can help it. because the end result of it is a skin anomaly on my shin. sigh

other than that melbourne is a city that 3 days is insufficient to explore fully. pictures are not with me they are with my friend. so have to wait until the end of the year for them. since she is still touring australia with her parents. so yeah. have to wait. then i can give you a more accurate account of my trip.

my next intended destination is the great ocean road.

2010-11-29T21:51:00.001+08:00

something christmasy

testing...testing...testing 1 2 3

2010-11-27T16:34:00.002+08:00

this is a litmus test on who reads my blog and how often my blog people read my blog.

well guys...and...gals.... ANNOUNCEMENT!!!! yours truly is back in singapore.

pls contact me via sms if you want to meet up with me. i won't be able to take calls because firstly i don't have caller ID and secondly my battery dies after 2mins into a phone call.

if you dont visit this blog within the months of dec, jan, feb then too bad for you. you missed out. HA!

fate,irony and lost chances

2010-11-24T08:03:00.002+08:00

maybe it's fate

it should be a sign

it isn't meant to be

i'm comforting myself

it would have been a small margin of time

i should be thankful that i didn't fall any deeper than this

more of sadness or regret i don't know. maybe more of regret

is this one of the cons of being a cautious thinker?

maybe, maybe not but i will still be a cautious thinker no matter what

pardon me while i write you off my life temporarily while waiting for these special feelings for you to dissipate.

retail therapy is is a stress relief

2010-11-18T15:12:00.002+08:00

did shopping today. as in real shopping... HAHAHA!
2 tops from jeans west for- 40
a bag from sports girl-40
flats from rubi-5
total 85
hotcakes from macs for brunch+ice coffee=7.40
tea break = 6.80
dinner=??
blogging this from my friend's laptop in her house. she has a cat but i haven't seen the cat yet. no idea where it is. cat napping somewhere out there.
going to melbourne on sun to wed... ahhh finally going there...some place that is not adelaide or sydney.
cutting my hair tmr...want a new look...hopefully getting a new look too.
still praying for my papers...need all the prayers i can get.

post exam

2010-11-17T19:24:00.002+08:00

HAIZ.....HAIZ..... DAMMIT. i need lots of prayers. i need st jude. its up to God now. i need to pass. it doesnt feel like its over. there's no good feeling. damn....stupid....

which is the right type of living?

2010-11-13T19:30:00.002+08:00

alex and i were talking on msn about cj memories and one topic that came up was jon sim and legion and all that jazz we had during that time in cj. i told alex that when i wanted to quit legion and told mr adrian pang that one of the reasons why i wanted to quit legion was because i was at loggerheads with jon sim.

and mr pang told me till this day i still remember. "jon sim is at a level of spirituality that us 18 year olds find hard to understand and come to terms with and embrace." i totally agree. looking back now the fact that he was trying to enforce his level of spirituality upon us didn't help matters. and us 18 year olds being 18 year olds that we were just couldn't take it. this lead us to another point in the discussion of which is right way of living? are we called to live like jon sim; idealistic(in our eyes) without taking into account human fraility( got that off from alex) or living the way we are catholic values and yet making it realistic to fit into the world today.

the main point of contention has always been evangelism and preaching. alex said"if the aim in life is to follow God, then material possessions and human comforts are irrelevant, and distracting to do that is the ultimate leap of faith and yet we don't do it, because we lack that much faith that God exists there is always that little seed of doubt within our hearts and if God didn't exist, such a choice would prove pointless and laughable so we sort of step in the middle, follow Him, but do so cautiously" then i said "so then are we to sell everything we have and preach on the streets like the apostles of old do?"

to me there are always varying degrees of evangelism and preaching. u can do it blatantly and put everyone off during the whole process or you can do it subtly. God told us through the Bible to go out and preach the Good News. no doubt about that. we should do it. but how? i as a Catholic, have often been criticized to be passive. to wait for people to come to me with questions rather than an active stance to go to people and evangelise.

alex said "set an example and live the Catholic live" as alex said above "if following God means that material possessions and comfort are irrelevant..." we can give them up easily, not horde them, for those in need. we can accumulate wealth but we must know how to let go of that wealth for those in need.

freakiest thing that ever happened to me this semester besides exams

2010-11-13T12:07:00.005+08:00

at the atm this afternoon trying to get some money out to ta pao lunch.... when this ang moh dude came to the nab atm next to my anz one...

dude"someone left their receipt here...6000 dollars in the account. someone is living a good life! are you living a good life?"

me"yeah"

dude"name's daniel whats yours?"

me"alethea" finished taking out money and slotting the receipt safely into the trash bin.

dude"are u working or studying?"

me"studying"

dude"remember to enjoy life"

me"i cant exactly now since i'm having exams" I wanna run away liao....

dude"ahhh peer pressure" say what?

dude"where are u from? are you from china?"

me"no i'm from singapore"

dude"ah...you guys call us guai lou"

me"ah...no...we call u pple by another term" why in the world did i say that? i wanted to slap myself from sheer stupidity....

dude "ah u call us white trash"

dude"where are u heading?"

me"lunch"

dude"oh i'm off to work with some of my friends" do i care???

dude"do u want my number?"

me"no"

dude"can i have your number?"

me"no"

dude"oh well if you want to see me again i'll be around here. see you around"

me screaming in my mind"I DUN WANNA SEE YOU!!!!!!!"

i went out to the streets and kept looking back if he was following me. thank goodness he wasnt.

started mass msging friends about the freaky experience.

2 down 1 more to go

2010-11-11T20:37:00.002+08:00

one more to tough it out. didn't seem as bad it would be from last week. i keep my optimism up.

i'm back...not for good though

2010-11-09T18:19:00.002+08:00

its been ages since i last blogged. and i decided that i will resurrect this site again. but its not going to be anything interesting cuz my life is just your average normal peaceful live with no major upheavals and such.

why i decided to blog again. maybe its my hyperness from that cup of ice coffee from glebe road. there's nothing much to say now because i'm in the midst of exams maybe i should think of a theme to write about like food or music or the economy since i am studying economics or something... pple construct blogs to write about philosophy, laura writes about food (although i think she has ditched that blog for a long time now), a lot of people have been writing about music, their favourite idols and stuff but i can't read korean so i can't do that.

so dear readers, if u guys are still coming in that is, do tag and give me some ideas.

Laugh out loud, Dance for Joy for Our Lord has Risen!!!

2010-04-03T18:36:00.002+08:00

A marble sanctuary decked in cloth of gold.Lighted candles around the Tabernacle. The Body of Christ is again in its rightful place. After 1 night and 1 day. The Crucifix is revealed to the whole world once more. What a sight to behold! The joy that fills me is one that i have never experienced before. The Lord has Risen!He is back! Such Joy and happiness (although joy and happiness are the same thing but... yeah u get what i mean)

The Gloria is sung again after 40 days. The bells are ringing. Dance!Sing Praise! O happy night!

"Let this place resound with joy, echoing the mighty song of all God's people!"

"Hosanna in the Highest! Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Highest!"

Our God is a Risen God, a Living God! Alleluia!

i want to live in fantasy

2010-03-16T23:59:00.002+08:00

i never thought i would proclaim to be feeling emo. but here i am broadcasting on my blog that i am feeling "emo". being swamped by a huge backlog of readings, lagging in doing my tutorials. faced with a foreign software called matlab which is critical in one of my topics and not getting it. feeling alone in that sea of PRCs who seem to get everything that is being taught. feeling alone in that competitive environment because none of my "friends" seem to want to part with their knowledge and i'm left in the deep sea with no one to turn to.

there are so many things to do and yet i want to relish in a world of fantasy called fanfiction and a world of entertainment called youtube. and i am actually. call me in denial (its not just a river in the nile. i'm living it) call me weak willed to pick myself up, live life and do what is necessary and not just think it. because that is what i am doing now. i know it but i'm not doing anything about it. its all about will power. its all about God. my life is in a mess. never thought i would say that young as i am and lesser problems than others i have.

masters was not a good idea. but i can imagine what ness will say. "u're already here. there is nothing u can do about it now. no point regretting. suck it up and do what is necessary." the concept is there but application is hard. as i said in the previous paragraph. its all about will power.its all about God.

wrong definition much?

2010-02-08T16:28:00.002+08:00

definitions from a male friend of mine:

female instincts-knowing how to dress up and the inborn ability to get guys

male instincts- know how to park a car right and navigate correctly

discuss. feminists are welcome to tag.

lunch time musings-google among other things

2010-01-15T12:27:00.003+08:00

whoever still reads this blog i applaud your loyalty. either that you the reader just like this writer has nothing else better to do than to read a lowly person's opinion on current affairs. today's newspapers have been really exciting.

reading the papers about google's saga with china. i seriously wonder if it was that complicated . politics, business, human rights, intellectual property rights, privacy, motive and responsibility. email accounts were hacked into, company information affected. was it just a deed done by some malicious shenanigans? or was it more?

if china was an US ally would there be any finger pointing? would all those issues outlined above be talk of the month for jan 2010? its been barely halfway through the new year and the love hate US-Sino relationship is rocked again after the closing of Copenhagen.

with so many strained diplomatic relations around besides US-China, it makes one wonder what if the the whole world is filled with simple minded individuals that live harmoniously with each other. there is no want to become a world power or no acts of balancing power, no civil strife, would we call this a boring place? what if the world's population are just individuals who want to live comfortably and once they reached that stage they are satisfied with what they have? what if the worlds' individuals are people who can compromise and willing to help each other attain the some comfortable level of prosperity and not wanting to trample each other over? call me naive.

why do people want power? the money? the glory? what for? to do things their way? why do we need a world power? i presume all countries have the same aim; to co-exist harmoniously. co-existing harmoniously means exerting sovereign right. why can't countries compromise? countries can't compromise. this is evident from the copenhagen summit. why?

the google saga touched on the issue of human rights. in the Home section today, there was another article about SDF whose aim is to promote free speech and make true of the pledge. what is free speech? to say what we want , how we want and whenever we want? with what repercussions? is there a line? should there be a line?

this post is getting more and more fragmented. will continue when i can write more clearly.

expectations-musings during a shower

2010-01-09T19:28:00.009+08:00

society has expectations of us, parents have expectations of us, employers have expectations of us. i have never felt such expectations clearly as now during this summer holidays. year after year, our leaders have been talking about upgrading ourselves as part of the country's workforce. and year after year it has been just mere wind blowing past my ears. but as my graduation from 15 and soon to be 16 years of institutionalized education draws closer, the need for upgrading myself has never been so clear and so urgent.

this summer has highlighted the acute lack of skills i have to attract recruiters. the need to speak fluent english while thinking on my feet, the need to write in a professional manner. at my current level, i'm told that i will have problems with interviews. on top of that, the need to speak fluent mandarin that is not peppered with english phrases, the need to write mandarin in a coherent manner. china has been on the rise for quite some years and has the vast potential for continual growth, but i have never felt it's threat so prominent as now.

never mind china, at home, there are thousands of graduates better than me. so what possessing a masters if the buzz word is "critical thinking". what exactly is "critical thinking"? according to dictionary.com its "the mental process of actively and skillfully conceptualizing, applying, analyzing, synthesizing, and evaluating information to reach an answer or conclusion". everybody can do critical thinking. the difference is superficial or in-depth. which one are you?

these 3 months have also highlighted the expectations of me as a member of the female gender. to learn how to cook in another words be domesticated, to know how to present oneself pleasantly (feminists please hold your horses). role of the modern woman- to work and at the same time to take care of the family. depending on your definition of "take care", this role is much debatable as these are the same things demanded from the modern man. but you can't deny that there is more pressure on the female species than the male species. this leads to the question of is this fair? why or why not? questions remain unanswered as this is beyond the scope of this entry. feminism is an area i am not familiar with. for more details contact laura.

having talked about the expectations that employers and society dole upon me, we can now address the issue of expectations of oneself? for me, i can clearly say, my expectations of myself are shaped from that of employers and society. why? because this is a rat race that i have to be in and stay at the front or i will be at the bottom. repercussions? my kids will not have the same comfortable life as i have now. we are constantly thinking about the future, planning for the future but in motion the future always is. why plan then? because we shape our own future. we can be faced with an adverse future but it is us that make the best out of it.

with economic growth forcasted to be not more than 5% for the next fiscal year we are in for a rough ride. the onus is definitely on us to make the best out of it. it all depends on us working hard. what can singapore depend on for the next decade as a rice bowl? answers are short in supply. we are a small country dependent on the outside world for prosperity. what we have is human capital. we are human capital and we have to upgrade ourselves and work hard to survive. hence these high expectations of the workforce. hong kong is lucky to have a strong pillar to lean on aka China. who do we have?

inside our small oyster we call home, we have a rat race. in the world, we too have a rat race against others. talk about stress. expectations is a word and so much more.

3rd sunday of advent- JOY

2009-12-15T19:15:00.002+08:00

in your sorrows turn to God. reconcile with him. do not wallow in self-pity for it makes you more miserable. to be happy you have to be grateful for all the things, big or small, in your life. in the face of any events and incidences that happen in your daily life, think of the positive side of it.

remember these and you will experience the joy the Lord has in store for you this Christmas and everyday in your life.

music

2009-09-16T01:26:00.002+08:00

its amazing how the topic music can make people talk for hours on end the conversation with nessa just ended.its 3.30am and we started talking at about 9 ish.

we ranged from korean pop, to chinese songs,to what we love best-acapella. man. that was some conversation. added lots in my music library today. a good harvest.

real life

2009-09-14T03:31:00.003+08:00

I'm Not That Girl-Wicked

Hands touch, eyes meet

Sudden silence, sudden heat

Hearts leap in a giddy whirl

He could be that boy

But I'm not that girl:

Don't dream too far

Don't lose sight of who you are

Don't remember that rush of joy

He could be that boy

I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal

To the land of what-might-have-been

But that doesn't soften the ache we feel

When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb

She who's winsome, she wins him

Gold hair with a gentle curl

That's the girl he chose

And Heaven knows

I'm not that girl:

Don't wish, don't start

Wishing only wounds the heart

I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl

There's a girl I know

He loves her so

I'm not that girl

We all hope,dream and wish. but reality is never what we wish for. thats why its called a fairytale. its to make us feel good. but always remember to come back down. its a harsh landing.

2009-09-03T17:05:00.001+08:00

typo: should be apathy not empathy.

i'm sitting down here brooding

2009-09-03T02:19:00.003+08:00

i'm sitting down here drinking milk at 4.20am in morning listening to lee ryan. (YES NESSA ITS LEE RYAN not your jon mclaughlin) and i suddenly felt like a child all over a sudden. as in a child child. maybe its the milk.

as sudden as it came, the feeling disappeared. in its wake was a feeling of "so many years have passed" maybe it was the conversation on msn with one of my friends. i realised so many things have changed. besides the economy and the international financial market which volatility is beyond comprehension. things have changed since jc and its only now that i realised what are the things have changed. my relationships with people is the most marked. you can say throughout the years i've been a spectator of my own life and still is really and only now did i do a momentary stock take of my life if you please.

having the conversation with that friend i realised i am in a bubble of my world. sure i do know what happens in the outside world. major events and such but never emphathy except for premature deaths be in accidents or by illnesses. i see the world passing but never thought of reaching out. question is am i going to change? there are many wrongs in the world. people living in poverty, people being ostrasized by society in general, people without the basic neccessities that i often take granted for. am i suddenly empowered to do something about it? to act on it? the answer is no i am not. is that what they call empathy? seems like it. have i been living life in an oyster shell? in a world with cotton candy and gummy bears? looks like it. more so than i would care to admit.

i can well and say if i go out and my little bit, see a person in need, help in anyway i can i've done my bit. which is true. sometimes i do my little bit,sometimes i don't. have i fulfilled my duties required of me as a Catholic? i don't know. i can say and which i often say and believe too is that as long as i pray God will do the rest. so many things that need change, so many things demanding attention, so many things to remember, that prayer has no focus anymore. i'm confused. especially now when i feel i'm not close to God. i've been feeling this way ever since i came to sydney. is it because i'm too used to the old, traditional, lack of granduer of adelaide's cathedral that when i enter the huge, beautiful, marbled cathedral of sydney i feel off. the instant i enter adelaide's cathedral, i feel home, an odd sense of comfort and serenity fills me. i've been telling everybody sydney still needs to grow on me before i can feel comfortable. now the only source of comfort is my room. not the hostel. my room.

among the sms-es that i've exchanged with nessa today she said "man! i still can't believe you are in masters already" and i replied "trust me.neither can i. i can't believe that i am in sydney too" i've transited to doing masters without much of a consideration except for the fact i won't be able to find a job in current economic climate. i'ver never considered is this what i really wanted. in a way, i dunno. i feel ambivalent about it. although i must declare that studying economics was/is something that i want to do. i live life without feeling any passion towards anything. an interest yes but never a passion. what exactly is my passion? i've meet and know people that possess a passion for an activity. what about me? i've never come across something or an activity that i love to death. to pass through life without passion...

a sparodic moment

2009-08-22T19:54:00.002+08:00

its been a long time coming....i am finally updating after almost month of absence. 3 weeks or so since the last post. i doubt many of you read my blog now since i hardly update anymore. but oh well... heres one now.

man....so much as happened. school continued as usual, my brain atrophied even more. and it still barely jump started. must be the highly irregular hours i have been keeping. messing everything up even my meal times. telling me to wake up early and regularly is highly impossible now. my mom will freak if she knew the times i'm sleeping and waking up. so everyone sh......

school...what can i say? 4 weeks have past. i have learnt alot. but processed NONE. i skipped 2 lectures too. thats 6 hours worth of sch. which is 1/2 of my contact hours per week. but of course i didnt skip the whole 6 hours in 1 week. not that crazy. 3 hours for 2 weeks for the same topic. oh boy. alethea is skipping classes. i forsee this will be a habit as the semester progresses. bad girl,bad girl.

today i had my first mid-sem exam. yesh pple. australian schs have exams on a saturday. its the first but sadly not the last. rather it marks the start of assignments, quizzes,exams and readings that will swampping me soon. oh boy. and i'm already behind my current readings. solution to this problem-keep regular sleeping hours and chain myself to my study table and unplug the laptop. easy solutions but unfulfilled.

besides school. what else have been happening? let me think.... nothing much really. no milestone, no exciting happenings in my life. not that i want any drastic thing to happen in my life here. thank you very much. been out a couple of times. window shopping. walking around. in sydney you dont take the public transport. the form of private transport you have is your legs. walk to school, walk to church, walk to chinatown, walk to city centre, walk to darling harbour, walk to wherever is walkable. (in hopes to reduce weight) but not likely. the reason will be outlined in the following paragraph.

food wise i've been ta paoing almost everyday. too lazy to cook. no mood. to many things to clear and clean after cooking. it all boils down to too lazy. wahahaha. ta paoing meals almost everyday means the money in my wallet decreases faster than i expected. shoots. hmmm need to think of something.

i can't wait from term break to come. actually i can't wait to clear all mid sems. my brain needs a violent jump start. suggestions anyone? cuz the PRCs here who work damn hard is not enough to frighten me into action. so you can see how bad i am now.

today's mid sem was unusual. for the first time i was hard pressed for time to complete 20 finanace mcqs within an hour. in the last 3 mins i still had 5 qns that i dont know how to do. but i managed to finish everything. just. crazy. next few mid sems are all essays. joy.

FOCUS!

2009-07-31T21:47:00.002+08:00

alright lethea darling. you gotta snap out of it. snap out of lala land now. be rational. don't get carried away. focus. focus. focus. school fees are exhorbitant. so is the rent. focus. start studying now. stop thinking about other things. it won't come to reality.

postgrad

2009-07-26T14:11:00.002+08:00

postgrad postgrad postgrad postgrad. its not registering in my mind. it doesnt feel like postgrad. it feels like i'm STILL doing my bachelors. oh my gosh. starting school tmr. 2 free days still. monday and thurs. wed until 9pm. GAH! tues start at 3 end at 6. wed's the killer day. 10-1, 4-5, 6-9. i gonna walk home in the dark!!!!!aie!!!!!!!! scary!!!!!! thurs free. friday 2-5pm. cannot go for afternoon mass. shucks. one of the things that bug me is the church near my place doesnt sit well with me. its the whole ambience, the priests, the sermons... i wanna go to the cathedral but its kinda far. need to take a train. sigh. adelaide was so much easier. its been a long time since i had friday classes. haha.

parents left this afternoon. its so quiet. but then again i have my privacy again and i will be able to do things the way i want. wahahaha. but its gonna be alot more hassle compared to living in adelaide. need to settle my meals by myself everyday, wash the toilet, and need to clean an additional floor cuz i have 2 levels in my mini-apartment. most irritating thing out of the 3 is settle my meals. breakfast is bread. what about lunch and dinner? argh. at least i only need to wash the toilet once a week. hah.

sydney biz and econ postgrad cohort is filled with mainlanders. 99.5% of them are mainlanders. 60% out of the 99.5% take masters in accounting. my econs cohort? i went for the orientation and there were only about 20 pple there. only 6 of us are non mainlanders. looks like i'm gonna have problems communicating cuz my chinese aint average. its below mediocre. what a great opportunity to improve. more often than not i feel like an idiot when talking in chinese to a mainlander. apparently, masters in econs aint a walk in a park. director said its a rigourous course. i should think so.... we paid more than peanuts for it.

going to check out the library tmr. flip through my books tonight. see what i am up against. sigh.

sydney

2009-07-19T13:30:00.003+08:00

sydney is exhausting. although my parents say this is good that is good about sydney. i never saw whats good about it. yeah plenty of food to eat. but i'm not keen on eating out. so what? can walk to city? so what if its near? its a damn long walk and there is no concession tickets for full fee paying students. can walk to school? used to it. but so much furthur away. campus so much bigger. and one of my classes is all the way to the engin section. what the heck. can't see any free shuttle to and from school.

adelaide is so much easier to manoveur. sure adelaide is boring with very little shops and small city. but bus routes are easier to understand. its not just about friends not being here. its the whole place that gets to me. 1 1/2 years more.

rush.rush.crazy.crazy.

2009-07-14T21:39:00.004+08:00

laura said it all boils down to faith. your faith is based on "just because" or "facts"? mine is "just because" because Catholism is based on the Bible and much more. thats why i always get attacked factually. religion is something that "just is". unexplainable. non factual.

on another note. flying to sydney on thurs morning. wish me luck in dealing with enrolment. i see a nightmare coming. courier man coming tomorrow. still got so much things to do. labelling. vacuum packing. shifting those stupid boxes down AGAIN when i just shifted them up today. gah! stressed and impatient. grrr.

the age old debate of life

2009-07-12T21:48:00.002+08:00

i woke up today with a great start. and saw my clock and went "oh shit.8am. 8.10am bus to go for 9am mass in the cathedral. shit shit shit. rushed. brushed teeth changed and went out of the house. went to the hospital bus stop....confirmed missed the bus cuz it was already 8.15am. jumped into the first taxi outside the hospital and went to church.

taxi uncle asked me if i was working in the hospital. i said"erm no. i missed the 8.10am bus to go to church so i had to take a taxi" and then we started talking about religion and the likes. he asked me why i was a Catholic. and i said "cuz my parents are Catholic so i was borned a Catholic" he said"ahh... most people have religion because their parents have religion. you are a Catholic because your parents are Catholics. I am a Muslim because my parents are Muslim. but i feel that people should be given the freedom to be chosen which religion is best for them." and i said "well... in the beginning for me i just blindly followed my parents but as i grew older, i came to belive in my religion"

but that phrase still bugged me when i was at church. "people should be given the freedom to be chosen which religion is best for them." why did i become a catholic? why do i believe in roman catholism?" these questions kept on buggin me. and when in church, when mass had started answers gradually came to me. i became a Catholic because I believe in God. Why roman catholism? its because God truely lives in the Holy Eucharist.

the phrase "people should be given the freedom to be chosen which religion is best for them." is really debatable. do we really know which religion is best for us? do we really know what is best for us? religion is part of me. its something unexplainable. so how do we know that unexplainable part of us is best for us? to me i believe in God as a Roman Catholic because i just do. should i have a reason to believe? its just like asking how come you trust that person to be ur bff? you just do. how come you love that person? do you need to have a reason for that? its like asking how come you love your mom? cuz she's your mom. why i believe in God? cuz He's God and He told me to. so why shouldnt i?

the point i'm trying to drive at is do we really know whats best for us? since we are myopic human beings who only know what we want and not what we need? wouldnt it be better that our religion should be decided for us otherwise we would be confused beings not knowing what to belive in. In a way thats God's work. God choose us. we don't choose God.

nostalgia

2009-07-11T15:14:00.002+08:00

for some reason, its particualrly sad to see people go this semester. maybe because this semester was my last in adelaide and we clicked really well in a short period of time. another two friends left today. and once again i was feeling lost. wondering around....thinking what should i eat and what i was craving to eat. it was something but i couldnt identify that something. the next person leaving will be me. and i'm not exactly very packed up yet. ohhh boy. i hate moving....need to contact that courier person. argh... why do i have so much things. theres so much things that its not funny. at all. and sydney was being a pain. never give clear instructions. sheesh.

a sense of aniticipation for the future, but sadness for the present.

hellos and goodbyes

2009-07-05T13:15:00.002+08:00

parting with friends when you know you won't see them and you are especially close, is exhausting. i cried so many times today that its not even funny.

friends do part. live with it.

2009-07-03T22:24:00.003+08:00

well after finishing the last exam( i sincerely hope so) for my bachelors, i feel nothing special. heck! dude! its the close of a chapter well maybe not chapter but a stage of my life. i should feel something...but no.... maybe the fact that even after this i'm still carrying on studying for another 3 more semesters contributes to this whole blaseness. surviving another 3 is nothing after the 9 that i have been through.

however, what seems final is that i will most probably, realistically speaking, not see some of my friends that i made here, for a long long time short of possibly never. talk of a global world only stretch that far. personal lives are not involved. well not worried about the singaporean friends i met here. can meet them anytime back home. cuz its home to all of us.

its those that come from places besides singapore; even malaysia bar the geographical proximity. its the way how we live our lives and where we live it out.

one of my friends is leaving on sunday, will most probably be the last time i see said person. sad isnt it? sadness of friends parting never really hit me because i know for definite that i will always go back to singapore and my friends in singapore will always be there because thats where we all call home.

but for other friends who call other countries home? nostalgia hits even before they leave.

msn messages will be traded. christmas cards will be sent out and some will be received. what happens when it all ends? somehow the music has to end. there is always an ending bar in each score sheet. all that is left is a memory of fun and happy times, a short period of our lives that we shared, nothing short of accident.

i must be getting on with age to be this sentimental. (real spoiler to the mood eh?)

but seriously yeah.

halfway there

2009-06-28T19:01:00.002+08:00

coffee is my life source besides food and water and pokka green tea.

God is my source of strength and peace.

sleeping is my vice.

msn is my distraction.

facebook is well...my addiction. well not the whole of facebook. just happy farm and mindjolt games.

exams are the bane of my existence.

i need an energy boost. desperately.

oh gosh ha

2009-06-12T05:06:00.002+08:00

"how do i live without you? in times of stress i turn mushy. love you darling"
"i would tell you to save the mushy for exams. But it wont sound as sincere then."
"well after exams mushiness wont be for you.*cough*. you'll get normalcy and sarcasm.Ha."
"that's why i'm keeping that sms for eternity"

friends just say the darnest things, apart from "you're like an old cotton t-shirt that gives off a comfortable feeling"

"oh oh. i love that. say that again.say that again"
"i'm thinking too much right? oh my gosh"
"a hormonal virgin"
"you think too much"
"i'm thinking too much right? please say i'm thinking too much"

waking up

2009-06-06T20:07:00.001+08:00

it was fantastic to wake up to the sound of rain
it put a damper on things knowing that u woke up at 2.30pm though
shit. am i on a holiday?
seems like it.
but i'm totally not
someone tell me to study now.
i can't find the will to pick up my books.

too much raisins and too little ice cream is not good too

2009-06-06T00:36:00.002+08:00

600ml of rum with 800gm of raisins. my raisins can last next to forever. had a GNI of sorts with 9 girls and 3 boys. hahaha. french vanilla ice cream with rummed raisins. sounds nice? definitely. but not if you have too much raisins and too little ice cream. what u'll be eating is raisins not ice cream.

still have half of the raisins left and less than 1/4 ice cream. what to do?
bread and raisins pudding
do an experiment and poach some pheaseants just like denny the world champion did in roald dahl
do an experiement to see which kitchen gets raided first
force feed ur friends with raisins

hmmmm

exams are coming up. SHIT.

did abit of retail therapy last week.
1 woolen wrap
2 fragrances; cherry blossom and rose from l'occitane

heex.

IHRM overload

2009-05-25T00:08:00.002+08:00

panicking is not an option. neither is procrastination. but that doesn't stop me from whining 24/7. HA! i need to get through this week with a sound mind and body. pls don't let me fall sick due to lack of sleep.

word limits are the bane of my existence

2009-05-20T00:19:00.003+08:00

MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!WHOA!!!!!! i finally finished that entrepreneurship assignment. after suffering for so many weeks. its finally churned out and edited somewhat. gosh. horror man. hate word limits. cutting words sux. especially its a topic like this and u cannot compromise the quality of it. painful process. urgh. bleagh.

up next is IHRM. 30% 3000 words. someone kill me now. not a single research done. dont even know what to write, how to begin. shit. due next week. crap.

i'm off to sleep now.

trauma of a totally inexperienced baker

2009-05-15T13:50:00.003+08:00

seeing my complete lack of concentration in doing my assignment. i decided to blog. how imaginative. but this is an entry long over due. was suppose to post it up on monday but was too lazy to type out the story.

so here goes, what happened was this. i have a cake tin. monday was a friend's birthday. so i made tiramisu yet again (thats the only thing i know how to make so far) on sunday. it was good. the cream and mascarporne was beaten till it peaked and still creamy and smooth unlike the last time when i overbeat. i haf more coffee and liquor this time round for my biscuits. everything was fine until monday early morning at 1am. horrors of all horrors my tin leaked and it wasnt coffee. it was an unidentifiable liquid. which 10 mins later my friend verified as rust. my goodness!and it stank. and it was horrible and my nostrils was filled with it for hours on end even though the tin was in the fridge. since i lined the tin with cling wrap my cake was safe from rust. 4am monday morning i couldnt stand the idea of rust so i went to transfer the cake out. thank goodness i did. cuz some small parts of the cake were affected i cut off those parts and threw away the tin. for good. stupid disgusting tin. was brand new too. dammit. cheat my money.

thats all.

other than that i still got loads to do. gah. behind my readings for all topics due to stupid assignments. grrr.

clock is ticking

2009-05-09T00:48:00.001+08:00

end of week 8. 4 assignments. all not done. 1 1/2 months worth of readings not done. exams in june. its end of the 2nd week of may. PANIC!PANIC!PANIC!PANIC!

i want....

2009-05-08T23:11:00.003+08:00

i want to be selfish
i want to lash out
i want to hurt others
i want to not think about PR stuff anymore
i want to take people for granted the same way i was taken for granted
i want to excel without doing assignments
i want to just study for exams without stupid assignments
i want to skip all my assignments
i want to go back to my comfort zone
i want to get out of here
i want to go back to the past

and yes.... you guessed right.... by writing this post... i want attention.

beginning a day with melia yet again

2009-05-07T20:01:00.002+08:00

8.30am woke up went down for breakfast
9.40am came back to room
9.40am to 10am brush teeth, wash face and face caring
10am to 10.20 sat down to do abit of reading
10.20 started preparing to go to school

all nice and quiet until..... 10.30am....handphone rang..... caller id "amelia hp aust"

she called me to say that she found a bunch of wilted ("off white" thats what she said in her blog) white roses lying across her doorstep and she was freaked or happy?? i couldnt decipher cuz 1. she was jumping around topics 2. i was jumping around trying to wear my jeans with my hp tucked to my shoulder, fill my water bottle, pack my pencil case into my bag, checking my mp3.

and we both came to the conclusion that its definitely the wrong door. cuz no sane boy will give the girl he likes wilted white roses. even if he did, he is not a suitable candidate melia!!! cuz flowers arent suppose to be wilted when they reach the recipient!!!! hahahaha.

10.40am ended the call with melia and walked to school.

11.02 reached lecture theatre

the last time she caught me starting my day was a saturday.

foggy future (not a day in london town)

2009-05-04T21:14:00.002+08:00

this past weekend, past week made me think if i can survive in sydney alone. but then again, if i live alone, i won't experience these sort of things. so i guess i can survive for 1 1/2 years without a physical sounding board and GNI partner.

problems aside, i got lots of assignments to do and i am quite behind my readings. hee hee. not good not good.

fear is an obstacle hard to pass

2009-04-26T21:02:00.000+08:00

i'm forging on with my work. trying to finish as much as possible. at the back of my mind is this fear that i can never finish and i will be in this deep shit forever and i won't be able to score yet again.

last cooking project for the semester i think

2009-04-25T22:18:00.006+08:00

well as promised i made tiramisu on friday. and well it was okay. not too good not too bad. passable for me. cuz 1. i overbeat the mascarporne and it couldnt stick to the finger biscuits. 2. the coffee did not osmosise (for a lack of a better word) properly in some biscuits. leaving some white in colour much to my horror. will try better next time. and instead of cocao poweder i used chocolate shavings. have too much chocolate left over during easter. and i wanna complain about my new tin. it leaks for goodness sake. and i think its a product/maufacturing fault rather than a one off product fault. haiz. well live with it cuz the only cake that i know how to do is leave in the fridge tiramisu although i dun mind learning how to bake a light, fluffly jap cheese cake. *hint hint* laura. after exams will be fine. no worries.

what it looks like in the tin

what it looks like on a plate. pardon my 2 megapixel camera phone.

so many things to do, so little time or should i say "bad alethea. procrastinated for the whole two weeks" or "bad alethea. why did u do ur work slowly for the past 2 weeks" sobsob.

may is coming. crunch time for me. assignments as follows :1st may, 15th may, 28th may for 2, 29th may.

qns? how to cram 1 month of readings that is 4 chapters while doing readings for the week for 1 topic. a very dry one at that. international human resource management. i fear for my life.

and i still made tiramisu. u must think i am crazy.

haiz

2009-04-21T14:47:00.001+08:00

why like that??? haiyoh.... crazy lah.

not just the just judge but the merciful saviour as well

2009-04-19T21:50:00.004+08:00

divine mercy. did you know that today is divine mercy sunday, the second sunday of Easter? and the significance is just wow. the power of divine mercy is just indescribable. Jesus made it so simple for us. Repent, receive him with a contrite heart and pray for mercy and pray for your intentions today and you'll not be turned away. and we'll be save. He gave us so many ways to pray for His mercy that its astounding. His death on the cross, the Eucharist, Divine Mercy, Sacred Heart. St Faustina was the saint that was given the task to spread the word about Divine Mercy. i'm going to type out the Novena to the Divine Mercy.but its best for you to get a leaflet/book from your Church bookshop to fully understand the depth of Divine Mercy cuz i really can't describe it.

St Faustina wrote in her diary and the leaflet says ' Jesus said to Saint Faustina: Say unceasingly the Chaplet that I have taught you. Whoever will recite it will receive great merct at the hour of death, Priests will recommend it to sinners as their last hope of salvation. Even if a sinner most hardened, if he were to recite this Chaplet only once, he would receive grace from My infinite Mercy...I desire to grant unimaginable graces to those souls who trust in My Mercy. Encourage souls to say the Chaplet which I have given to you. It pleases Me to grant everything they ask of Me by saying the Chaplet.

When they say this Chaplet in the presence of the dying, I will stand between My Father and the dying person, not as the just Judge but as the merciful Saviour. The souls that will say this Chaplet will be embraced by My mercy during their lifetime and especially at the hour of their death'

Pray this Chaplet as follows using your rosary:
begin the Chaplet with Our Father, Hail Mary and Apostles' Creed on the first 3 small beads.

On the Our Father before each decade:

Eternal Father, I offer You the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your dearly beloved Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the world.

On the ten Hail Mary beads of each decade:

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

In replacement of the "Glory be" recite 3 times:

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Saint Faustina said that Jesus told her" by this Novena of Chaplets I will grant every possible grace to souls"

The Hour of Great Mercy (3 o'clocl in the Afternoon) i assume its everyday...

Saint Faustina wrote in her diary" At 3 o'clock implore My mercy especially for sinners; and, if only for a brief moment, immerse yourself in My Passion, particularly in My abandonment at the moment of agony( i don't understand this part). This is the hour of great mercy for the whole world... in this hour, I will refuse nothing to the soul that makes a request of Me in virtue of My Passion. Try your best to make the Stations of the Cross in this hour, provided that your duties permit it; and if you are not able... then at least step into the chapel for a moment and adore, in the Blessed Sacrament, My Heart, which is full of mercy; and should you be unable to step into the chapel, immerse yourself in prayer there where you happen to be, if only for a very brief instant.''

this is the hour, as Our Lord has promised, in which, "You may obtain everything for yourself and for others for asking; it was the hour of grace for the whole world- mercy triumphed over justice"

at this same hour it wouldnt hurt us but do us good to recite the prayer St. Fuastina used to recite often:
O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fount of mercy for us, I trust in You.

when you see a painting /picture of Divine Mercy you also see the words of " Jesus I trust in You" which Jesus told St. Faustina to put it there. Divine Mercy is to repent, and believe and pray to invoke His mercy. i think.

A novena to obtain graces through the intercession of Saint Maria Faustina
O Jesus, You inspired Saint Faustina with profound veneration for Your boundless Mercy. Grant me through her intercession, if it be Your holy will, the grace for which I ferverntly pray...
My sins render me unworthy of Your Mercy, but be mindful of Saint Faustina's spirit of sacrifice and self-denial, and reward her virtue by granting the petition which, with childlike confidence, I present to You through her intercession.

thats what i have learnt today.

rum balls

2009-04-18T21:17:00.003+08:00

inspired by laura and the fact that the recipe looks really easy to follow i decided to make rum balls on friday since well i wanted to try my hand at something else other than cooking. so what happened was...on friday i went to shop for liquor. bought a bottle of dark rum 700ml and a mini bottle of frangelico. well if they had a mini bottle of dark rum i would have bought it but they don't so i have to buy a big one. while deciding which dark rum to buy i was wondering if barcardi was rum... but i didnt buy it because one friend told me it isnt so well yeah. thought i should buy something that i am certain is dark rum i.e bottles with the words 'dark rum' on it. so there you go. i didnt buy bacardi but some other random brand.

then i came back to make rum balls. to make a loong story short. the chocolate couldnt melt properly into a smooth and shiny ganache so....i took a darn looooong time to melt the stupid thing. upon furthur consultation with laura via sms (while she was waiting for audrey) she said my chocolate was chopped up too big. two cubes of cadbury non-cooking dark chocolate was too big? i thought they were small. well they are too big. therefore, i grew frustrated and decided. heck i'll do a water bath. and it worked like magic the moment i put the bowl in.

you must now be thinking that i should have done it earlier eh? well i thought it was a pain to wait for the water to boil since my induction stove sucks. but well it sucked even more when i was stirring the chocolate by hand without a water bath.

aniwae after the ganache became smooth and shiny which took mere minutes =.=" ... i added rum. 4 standard table spoons. sort of. 2 each to cake crumbs and ganache. not including those that ran down the bottle and into the chocolate by accident. can't pour properly. can you blame me? of course not. i'm a beginner. haha. well laura said its the bottle because she can't pour out properly too. blame something that can't talk back eh?

poured in the crumbs mixed and into the fridge it went to set for 30 mins. here comes the exciting part. the part where after 30mins i took it out. it was a race. me making it into balls vs chocolate melting. no prizes in guessing correctly who won. but thank goodness i had cookie making skills honed since young. could make them pretty evenly and quickly too without much chocolate casualty. recipe was for 30 rum balls. i made 53. well maybe cuz i had 12 grams more of cake and 20 grams more of chocolate and a tad bit more cream and butter compared to laura's recipe. yep 53 evenly made but not cocoa powder coated rum balls. which kinda look i dunno... look bad.

but they tasted better than they look. hahaha. much better. chewy,melty and well i had differing viewpoints on the amount of rum. i say not enough so did another friend of mine. some say just nice. some say "whoa. so much" hmmm.... but overall everyone liked it. its chocolate...of course...hahaha.

there wasnt much to compare with because i havent tried laura's rum balls yet. *cough cough* *hint hint* hahaha.

but mel said it was nice. so i'll say its a success.whoo hoo!!

my exciting story for the week.

next week tiramisu.haha. but don't hold your breath.

i have 700ml of rum 350ml of fran to get through.

day in

2009-04-16T13:52:00.002+08:00

its raining...winter is here?
easter has passed,assignment finished(well one of them in any case), finally can sit down and study till the cows go home. at least i tried to.haha.as you can see where that has landed me to....blogging. hahaha. its a nice day in.

i now have to refrain from using my laptop too much. i don't know why but sometimes the motor sounds really rackety. please don't break down until december or at least i finish transferring all my songs (my labor of love) to my external hard disk. and my MP3 player is being cranky. sometimes can switch on sometimes can't. sigh.... technology is failing me. hahaha.

easter sunday

2009-04-13T00:33:00.002+08:00

sometimes we forget that we believe in a living God. Every Easter we are reminded that our God is one that is alive and eternally so. we are reminded God's promise of eternal life to us. we are reminded that Jesus is/was a walking human being.

the msgr that presided mass and gave the homily today recounted a story to us. a vatican official was talking to him and told him this story. the official was walking with pope benedict in the gardens one day, and the pope was telling the official of the various complex problems in the world that the pope faces and the official grew more and more depressed as he heard more and more. pope benedict then ask him how come he was so depressed. the official replied hearing all these problems that you face how can i not be depressed?

pope benedict was surprised and replied" it was not in my intention to trouble you. but why be depressed?

we are the people of victory. no matter what we face, God will always let us overcome it. we are people of the living God"

how rooted is his faith. no wonder he is pope. i hope my faith can be as infalliable as his. sometimes i forget that our God is a living God and when we believe in Him all good things come but that does not mean that we will come out unscathed.

maundy thursday

2009-04-09T22:26:00.002+08:00

it just occurred to me in church this evening for maundy thursday mass that throughout the whole world, in different time zones, the exact same thing is happening. exact same ritual. this is what you call Universal Church.

throughout the whole world, the gloria is sung for the last time until easter vigil.
throughout the whole world, the washing of feet.
throughout the whole world, canon with the same Eucharistic prayer and holy communion.
throughout the whole world, the reposition of the Eucharist.
throughout the whole world, the alter is stripped and the Church is silent with faithful on vigil.

amazing isnt it? different places, different languages, same things happening.

today, homily struck a note in me. maybe cuz its maundy thurs.

Christ gave us his body and blood. that means that he gave himself fully to us. it is simple yet complex. cuz i know the concept as in the theory and stuff. but i dont know the depth of it. do u get it? as in like yeah... i know Jesus gave his life for us. we all know that. but i don't understand and can't feel the enormity of it. i know its huge. but i just can't feel it. its like knowing the theory but not knowing how to apply it. that kinda thing.

through receiving the body of Christ, Jesus is living in us and us in Jesus. to make space for Jesus, love thy neighbour.

whew

2009-04-03T21:55:00.003+08:00

man i am so glad this week is over.
monday assignment due.
thurs tutorial seminar due with a report to write.
wed started to prepare for it.
my gosh........ from 12pm on wednesday afternoon to 2am on thurs morning.
never again am i going to do such last minute work.
this is classic last minute work
we pulled through. thank God.
thurs night unwind...until now.

acapella rocks. too bad i wasnt in choir in sec sch and jc. darn. can't sing.

9 weeks to the end of my bachelors.give or take. oh my goodness. thats maybe 7 more weeks to exams. oh my gooooooooodddddddddnnnnnnnneeeeeeesssssssss. ahhhhhhhh. why is sem one so particularly fast??? faster than sem 2!!!!!!!!!

acapella

2009-03-30T13:18:00.002+08:00

USC RO, UCLA Awaken, SoCal Vocals, All Night Yahtzee, backstreet boys acapella... waaaahhhhhh!!!!!!! they rock. everything made convenient by nessa darling. i have been surfing on youtube for acapellas since last night as well. lots of new songs to my collection. muahahahaha.

havent heard "the rescues" yet though. well do it soon.

my laptop is breaking down

2009-03-28T19:51:00.002+08:00

first there is a problem with my speakers
then there is an error message when i boot up my lappie
my mozilla always hangs when i open it and type a new address
my mozilla cannot close and open instantly
then there is a problem with microsoft office
whats going to happen next??
please hang in there for the next 1 year or maybe 2 years till i finish my masters.

whats wrong with unis that insists on official transcripts to even give me a conditional offer?? its not as if i won't score for my last sem and fail really badly or something that wont meet their criteria. geez. irritating.

confusion.oh man. not again

2009-03-23T10:03:00.003+08:00

maybe i have been in denial for a very long time. so many tries to prevent myself from falling. now my defences are weak. and i'm confused. how sharp can that person be when one says "i dunno" and said person can see through those thinly veiled feelings. whatever it is these feelings are going to be shoved aside,feelings and thoughts pushed away, to concentrate on more pressing things.

i can do it. i've always done it before.

schooooolllllll

2009-03-02T11:46:00.001+08:00

unpacked over the weekend. its a monday. i have no school. trying to find teachers to write testimonials for my application to masters but found out that teachers that i am familiar with are all gone. which means they have left the school and not coming back which means i need to find teachers who i am not familiar. AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!stress ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! need to thicken my face skin.

today is the first day of autumn. doesnt feel like it.

bought my books. but havent started reading them yet. went onto the school website but nothing there.

2009-02-23T22:01:00.001+08:00

he is just not that into you. time to wake up.

watch the movie. it rocks.

it rocks for me maybe because i can relate to it. haha.

iron chef rocks!!!!!!!!

2009-02-21T21:37:00.002+08:00

chef michiba and sakai!!!!!!!!!!

er......

in the midst of packing.....kinda realise alot of pants and 3 quarts dont fit me animore. oh the horror.

things females have to do to look good

2009-02-17T23:15:00.002+08:00

to look good...a female aka me have to
1. lose some weight cuz my mom is lighter than me which is not good.
2. have good posture (which i don't, because i slouch, i have a twisted spine and i walk sideways)
3. dress well aka smart, elegant and stylish (which i have to learn as well)
4. maintain the quality of our skin( face care)
5. learn how to put on make up (which i saw vids from estee lauder's website looks very complicated even for a basic and classic look)
6. have brains (of course)

my goodness....the things we females have to do to look good...are plenty and expensive especially face care and make up. well...clothes if u know where to find them u might be able get stuff cheap and good or at least value for money. because there is no such thing as cheap and good stuff anymore. hardly.

trying to get myself into good posture is tough after years of not caring and end result isnt pretty. aiyaiyai. shucks man. losing weight isnt easy as well. crap.

is it society or is it us females that put on these criterion on ourselves?
i wonder...the line seems blurry.

critical voices pls tag.

as the number of days i still have in singapore decreases, i find myself eating more good food, food that i will miss in australia, desserts that are impossible to find in a Western country, desserts that are homemade, cafes like starbucks (which adelaide does not have) which sells mocha frappes that i love so much.you realise all the above mentioned so far are high in sugar, now you know what made me grow... sideways that is.haha.

you would think that a seasoned traveller like me that leaves home for months would feel normal leaving home as the frequency increases but it doesnt. you wonder why? i wonder too.

the reluctance grows every passing day. maybe because of the knowledge that my mom is not as young as she seems and when i leave home, there is no one to be there with her. well not exactly no one, since my father and brother and maid will be at home and definitely God will be with her...but the reassurance isnt there. going out with her to the market every week has made me realise...well...my usefulness to her at her age and there is no one to go out with her to the market when i'm not around!!!!!!!! i think amelia will know how i feel since she flew back for two weeks just to see her gramdma.

gosh i feel so much better saying that out.

the case of homesickness

2009-02-11T17:27:00.002+08:00

i suspect i had a severe case of homesickness that was not obvious at all last semester. evidence: my ability to stay in the house at days end without going out at all. the sense of peace and fulfillment that i always feel when i'm at home. the feeling of i'm home in the physical structure of my house.

and i am highly reluctant to go back to australia. anyone wants to tear my ticket into pieces? not my passport its worth 15,000 dollars. haha.

quiet

2009-01-28T12:54:00.000+08:00

quiet.very quiet. really quiet. no tags. nothing.nada.zlich. hmm...

static

2009-01-19T23:07:00.003+08:00

we are made in the image of God, when God gave us a soul, it was made in His likeness. thus, when looking for fulfillment where else can we turn to other than God as He is infinite and infinite can only satisfy infinite. the worldly things that we seek would only bring temporary euphoria and steep emptiness after that.

snippets of conversation
"when you see alethea you won't think that she is approaching to slap you" ( only eeling will get this)
"eat a brazilian nut a day to fight cancer"
most common question asked tonight "are you attached?"

crappy friends are happy friends. why think so much? take it as it is.

new year's eve

2008-12-31T12:53:00.002+08:00

upon calls from nessa to update here is a new year's eve entry.
christmas was crazily busy with 18 people in the house. whew. i have never peeled so many garlic, onions and washed so many dishes in 1 week.

new year's eve eh? its a quiet one. will be staying at home, sleeping through the new year. haha.

2008 marked by financial meltdown. 2009? things arent going to get any better so it seems.
2008 results were pretty bad as well. 2009? honors is at stake no room for slacking. (this time its serious)
2008 friends are still friends. no friendships lost. for that i am very thankful. 2009, we better keep them there.
new year resolutions?nah.

death has never hit home before

2008-12-04T21:21:00.002+08:00

previous post was about death. this post is also about death. but this time its closer than i would have imagined. a passing of a cousin from a car accident in the wee hours of the morning. that is the first thing that i heard when i woke up, shocked me instantly to wakefulness.

one day has passed. and it seems that the news have not fully sunk in. I still can't believe that he is gone. we weren't close, can be said as strangers with the only thing linking us is blood relation. i don't know anything about him, he didn't know anything about me.

sadness lingers on for the loss of a life which had yet unfold.
worry for the grandparents and parents for no parent should send their child off. circle of life does not go that way. knowing that parents are going through alot of pain but not knowing the enormity of it.
feeling helpless because unable to help in anything.
feeling lost and asking "why?" especially in the aftermath of the mumbai attacks.

many lives lost, many of them young lives that have yet reached their potential.

peace? where is it now?

2008-12-01T18:33:00.002+08:00

finally free to blog. just so as to let you know i am back in singapore. after 4 months.

after coming back from adelaide, the first news that i have heard was the mumbai terrorist attacks and thailand's unrest. living under a rock for 4 months and hearing this sort of news although it wasnt recent, (terroist attack began 4 days before saturday, thailand's airports were in a lock down for goodness know how long) together with the knowledge that a young singaporean lady was killed in mumbai, gave me a sense of disquiet. terrorism has never hit so close to home before. discounting the attempted bombing of yishun mrt station that did not happen.

among all the acts of terrorism that did actually occur such as sept 11, bali bombings, london train station bombings, were there singaporean casualties. or were there? can't remember. acting PM said that it could happen to anyone. we all know that. but knowing it is one thing. actually registering and remembering it is another. constant vigilance as alastor moody from harry potter would say. but how many of us actually practice it when some of us singaporeans can't even keep mosquitoes from breeding in our own homes. when vids shown in mrt stations are met by ignorance. i may be generalizing but...

2008 was a worser year than 2007. 2007 was marked by the sub prime mortgage crisis. 2008 was marked by a gobal finanacial meltdown with giant invester banks declaring bankurptcy, economies are declining into recession and yet prices are rising, governments are scrambling to save banks to prevent systemic global failure and propping up their faltering economies.

it is going to be another sombre xmas for some singaporeans. while some of us can weather through this recession without worry. some of us may not be that lucky. some of us may not have experience death in our families so close to xmas. some of us have and definitely won't be able to smile at all.

remember them in our prayers. there is nothing we can do except pray.

2006 xmas- tsunami or was it 2004?
2007 xmas- 6 dragon boaters lost in cambodia
2008 xmas-china sichuan earthquake
mumbai terrorist attacks

annoucement!! news flash!!

2008-11-01T15:09:00.003+08:00

after posting that previous post in the school library. i went back home and wrote out the stuff aka reading that i needed to catch up on b4 revising for exams. and what came out was a list 2 A4 paper long. this post is to formally announce that alethea is finally driven by fear and is currently panicking. as a result she is suddenly very very motivated and is in the process of chionging all her work b4 revision. her engine was given a sudden jumpstart. so here u go.

hold your breath.....

but dun expect much.

临时抱佛脚。

prospects not very good. disturbed.

nothing much to talk about

2008-10-31T10:18:00.002+08:00

you would have realised that most of my blog entries are all songs cuz there isnt really much to talk about. 2 weeks since i last blogged and there isnt much change in my life. still stuck in a rut of not studying and sleeping to escape from doing work. sleeping is part of escapism for me now. harhar.

parents and brothers were in france and UK for two weeks, on the plane back this morning.
what happened to me this past 2 weeks was 2 midnight walks to campus to hand in assignments, 1 late night out for a 21st bdae, 1 outing to the beach and general slackiness. hahaha. completion of 1 final assessment and 1 assignment. with 1 more assignment and loads to study for 2 exams. 3 weeks to my first paper on a saturday morning. 2 weeks to the official start of exams. as usual i would say it looks bleak. cuz this time it really does look bleak. havnet been putting in much effort. engin has been stalling for a long while now....

talking about funerals (though its pretty early)

2008-10-14T20:43:00.002+08:00

nessa wants her funeral song to be Hanson's "when i'm gone when you wake up"
dunno what melia wants hers to be....
i want mine to be this.....

Yesterday
Leona Lewis
I just cant believe your gone
Still waiting for morning to come
When I see if the sun will rise
Without you by my side
Oooo where we had so much in store
Tell me what is it all reaching for
When were through building memories
I'll hold yesterday in my heart
In my heart

[Chorus]
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that we'll never play
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday

You always choose to stay
I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds
Or least where the story goes
I never believed it until now
I know I'll see you again I'm sure
No it's not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day
One more smile on your face
But they can't take yesterday

[Chorus]
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They take the music that we'll never play
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday

I thought our days would last forever
But it wasn't our destiny
'Coz in my mind we had so much time
But I was so wrong
No I can believe me I can still find the strength in The moments we made
I'm looking back on yesterday

[Repeat chorus]

Leona Lewis rocks. gonna buy her CD when i get back.

OVER YOU!!!!!!

2008-10-13T12:33:00.002+08:00

Chris Daughtry-Over You
Now that it’s all said and done
I can’t believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath
I fell too far, was in way too deep
Guess I let you get the best of meeee

(Chorus)
Well I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, time agooo!
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I’m slowly getting closure
I guess it’s really over
I’m finally gettin’ better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you!!!
(End Chorus)

You took a hammer to these walls
Dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away
There was nothing I could say,
And when you slammed the front door shut
A lot of other’s opened up
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for meee

(Chorus)
Well I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, time agooo!
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I’m slowly getting closure
I guess it’s really over
I’m finally getting’ better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you!!!
(End Chorus)

I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, long time agooo
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you

And I never saw it coming
I should have started running
I’m finally getting better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
And I got over you!!!
And I got over you!!!
And I got over you!!!

The day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you…

don't be depressed people.
i'm here for you guys.
come December in person in any case.

2008-10-03T15:54:00.002+08:00

YO!YO!YO! whassup dear readers of alethea's blog? i dun haf much to say...actually make it nothing to say in my blog so juz post this up to know that this blog is not atrophying.

aniwae to answer ur qns auddie. i dun need to pay money to get HDs. actually i can't. cuz if i did it would be bribery and thats illegal. the whole story was i was supposed to go melbourne but in the end i cancelled my plane ticket. in so doing i forfeited my plane ticket money which is 300 dollars. so to make up for the money lost, i aim to get 3 HDs. 1 HD would be about 100 dollars.

and auddie! get laura to take care of u!!!!!!!!!!!

sloth piggy bear is feeling sucky

2008-09-22T13:24:00.001+08:00

sloth bear is adelaide-locked yet again for the hols. whee......but its for the better. doesn't mean the whining will not start nor stop for the moment. sucky.............. 3 HDs to make up for the 300 bucks forfeited. 100 bucks for each HD. hur.

2008-09-20T01:04:00.002+08:00

to that friend of mine, i hope you find this without me telling you to.
You can't save everyone. God didnt tell you to do it. certainly the Bible has stated that there is a limit as to how much you can do when saving a person. besides not everyone that believes in God goes to Hell.
During the time of the Gospels, those preachers live, breathe and eat evangelism. Times have certainly changed. the centre of our lives is still Christ, no doubt, but we still have our secular lives to think about. Isn't that why we are here on Earth? to live life and know God.
We are called to evangelise and spread the Good News but isnt there always a time and place for everything?
If God didnt present an opportunity for you to evangelise then He didnt. God will bring those people that He wants you to save to you. Isn't that what happens to all prophets? They were always given a specific group of people to save.

rely more on your committee. your vice president is there for a reason.
all meetings would be messy. they will never get organised.
there are somethings that can be glossed over.

2008-09-13T13:16:00.003+08:00

year 3 is a whole new world. have never been so stressed in my whole entire uni life before. never had to do 3 assignments abck to back before either. oh gosh. sloth piggy bear is dying. u might see alot of "sloth piggy bear" around. if you don't know by now. that is what i call myself apart from all the other nicks that i have been given. why that name? there was 1 time when my fren and i have been sleeping alot. and as a joke she asked a medical student what are the consequences if we sleep too much and the swift reply was "a sloth" and thus we called ourselves sloth bears. so she is called sloth bear. why am i called sloth piggy bear is a very obvious reason. i sleep more than her. so i'm a pig and a sloth bear join the two together... u get sloth piggy bear! yay!! that was lame and stupid.

i wanna go melbourne.....can't wait to get thru this week, 1 week of intense studying in week 1 of hols then melbourne.......i think i'm reaching my burn out point. oh no. this sun after i hand up my last major assignment for the term on friday gonna sing k!!!woohoo!!! going to sleep saturday away. ain't that fantastic?hahahahaha.

a happy post

2008-09-09T23:22:00.002+08:00

seeing that i have been posting up pretty angsty and emo entries up here its time for a happy post. well not happy per se but not sad and depressing. what has happened so far in my life since my last post? nothing much really. been catching up on sleep even though i have mountains of work to do. wish i don't need to sleep for long periods of time like an elf. imagine me as Arwen,haha, i wish, Arwen is too beautiful, flawless. that was random.

still looking forward to going melbourne. yay melia! 2 weeks more! we go girls!

there is room inspection tmr and my room is in assignment mode. that is a huge mess....books everywhere, papers strewn around my desk and on the floor around my desk. the image of looking busy. stress on the word "looking"....haha....wayang wayang abit.

pardon my misplaced hyperness. its 1am here, still pretty early on my standards since i sleep at 3am or 4am or 5am or 7am due to stress energy at times. shhh....dun tell my mom. haha. i'm sleeping after this though. rest assured. and i took a looooooooong nice nap on sun which went into staying up late till monday morning.

planning to run 3 times a week. wish me luck people. i need whatever i can get knowing my super duper lousy stamina.

i need luck for my assignments and exam and quiz next week. i think we all do. but oh well. as nicole kidman and ewan mcgregor sang... ''come what may..."

releasing ur emotions

2008-09-02T22:19:00.002+08:00

this is one of the times where its so stifling that i wish that there was the force in star wars and i was a jedi learned to release my emotions to the force. then again, if that was the case i wouldn't have known God who is someone irreplaceable in my life now.

there is no emotions. there is peace.

there is no death. there is the force.- completely irrelevant but couldn't resist it.

my emotions want out.

still alive

2008-09-02T14:35:00.003+08:00

this blog is still alive but its owner is going to be dead soon.

1 assignment due on 11th sept

1 assignment due on 15th sept

1 assignment due on 19th sept

1 exam on 19th sept

1 assignment due on 2 october (when i'm in Melbourne, haf to do that before i fly off. crap.)

plus lots of overdue readings.

procrastination is not an option. neither is getting sick.

i'm gonna die. melia...we haf to study together when i'm there at night. or try to as much as possible (knowing the 2 of us) otherwise each of us will be missing 10 nights of studying.

for all singles/ those with probs out there

2008-08-31T15:30:00.005+08:00

when loneliness hits, when you see couples everywhere and yet you are single, when you are wondering why everyone notices just about everyone except you... remember.... God is saying this:

Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
When your heart’s heavy, I
I will lift it for you
Don’t give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you, I
I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the hurt
That you hide
When you’re lost inside, I
I’ll be there to find you

Don’t give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you I
I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

You are loved

Don’t give up
It's just the weight of the world

Don't give up
Everyone needs to be heard

You are loved

Josh Groban rocks.

so u think u can dance

2008-08-14T10:37:00.002+08:00

its amazing how it is possible to dance hip hop to this song. lyrical hip hop at that. saw that yesterday at so u think u can dance. one of the best shows. better than american idol.haha. go youtube it. superb cherography ( correct spelling?) and dancing too.

"Bleeding Love"

Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking round
Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater than the risk that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it's draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love