music

its amazing how the topic music can make people talk for hours on end the conversation with nessa just ended.its 3.30am and we started talking at about 9 ish.

we ranged from korean pop, to chinese songs,to what we love best-acapella. man. that was some conversation. added lots in my music library today. a good harvest.

real life

I'm Not That Girl-Wicked

Hands touch, eyes meet

Sudden silence, sudden heat

Hearts leap in a giddy whirl

He could be that boy

But I'm not that girl:

Don't dream too far

Don't lose sight of who you are

Don't remember that rush of joy

He could be that boy

I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal

To the land of what-might-have-been

But that doesn't soften the ache we feel

When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb

She who's winsome, she wins him

Gold hair with a gentle curl

That's the girl he chose

And Heaven knows

I'm not that girl:

Don't wish, don't start

Wishing only wounds the heart

I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl

There's a girl I know

He loves her so

I'm not that girl

We all hope,dream and wish. but reality is never what we wish for. thats why its called a fairytale. its to make us feel good. but always remember to come back down. its a harsh landing.

typo: should be apathy not empathy.

i'm sitting down here brooding

i'm sitting down here drinking milk at 4.20am in morning listening to lee ryan. (YES NESSA ITS LEE RYAN not your jon mclaughlin) and i suddenly felt like a child all over a sudden. as in a child child. maybe its the milk.

as sudden as it came, the feeling disappeared. in its wake was a feeling of "so many years have passed" maybe it was the conversation on msn with one of my friends. i realised so many things have changed. besides the economy and the international financial market which volatility is beyond comprehension. things have changed since jc and its only now that i realised what are the things have changed. my relationships with people is the most marked. you can say throughout the years i've been a spectator of my own life and still is really and only now did i do a momentary stock take of my life if you please.

having the conversation with that friend i realised i am in a bubble of my world. sure i do know what happens in the outside world. major events and such but never emphathy except for premature deaths be in accidents or by illnesses. i see the world passing but never thought of reaching out. question is am i going to change? there are many wrongs in the world. people living in poverty, people being ostrasized by society in general, people without the basic neccessities that i often take granted for. am i suddenly empowered to do something about it? to act on it? the answer is no i am not. is that what they call empathy? seems like it. have i been living life in an oyster shell? in a world with cotton candy and gummy bears? looks like it. more so than i would care to admit.

i can well and say if i go out and my little bit, see a person in need, help in anyway i can i've done my bit. which is true. sometimes i do my little bit,sometimes i don't. have i fulfilled my duties required of me as a Catholic? i don't know. i can say and which i often say and believe too is that as long as i pray God will do the rest. so many things that need change, so many things demanding attention, so many things to remember, that prayer has no focus anymore. i'm confused. especially now when i feel i'm not close to God. i've been feeling this way ever since i came to sydney. is it because i'm too used to the old, traditional, lack of granduer of adelaide's cathedral that when i enter the huge, beautiful, marbled cathedral of sydney i feel off. the instant i enter adelaide's cathedral, i feel home, an odd sense of comfort and serenity fills me. i've been telling everybody sydney still needs to grow on me before i can feel comfortable. now the only source of comfort is my room. not the hostel. my room.

among the sms-es that i've exchanged with nessa today she said "man! i still can't believe you are in masters already" and i replied "trust me.neither can i. i can't believe that i am in sydney too" i've transited to doing masters without much of a consideration except for the fact i won't be able to find a job in current economic climate. i'ver never considered is this what i really wanted. in a way, i dunno. i feel ambivalent about it. although i must declare that studying economics was/is something that i want to do. i live life without feeling any passion towards anything. an interest yes but never a passion. what exactly is my passion? i've meet and know people that possess a passion for an activity. what about me? i've never come across something or an activity that i love to death. to pass through life without passion...

a sparodic moment

its been a long time coming....i am finally updating after almost month of absence. 3 weeks or so since the last post. i doubt many of you read my blog now since i hardly update anymore. but oh well... heres one now.

man....so much as happened. school continued as usual, my brain atrophied even more. and it still barely jump started. must be the highly irregular hours i have been keeping. messing everything up even my meal times. telling me to wake up early and regularly is highly impossible now. my mom will freak if she knew the times i'm sleeping and waking up. so everyone sh......

school...what can i say? 4 weeks have past. i have learnt alot. but processed NONE. i skipped 2 lectures too. thats 6 hours worth of sch. which is 1/2 of my contact hours per week. but of course i didnt skip the whole 6 hours in 1 week. not that crazy. 3 hours for 2 weeks for the same topic. oh boy. alethea is skipping classes. i forsee this will be a habit as the semester progresses. bad girl,bad girl.

today i had my first mid-sem exam. yesh pple. australian schs have exams on a saturday. its the first but sadly not the last. rather it marks the start of assignments, quizzes,exams and readings that will swampping me soon. oh boy. and i'm already behind my current readings. solution to this problem-keep regular sleeping hours and chain myself to my study table and unplug the laptop. easy solutions but unfulfilled.

besides school. what else have been happening? let me think.... nothing much really. no milestone, no exciting happenings in my life. not that i want any drastic thing to happen in my life here. thank you very much. been out a couple of times. window shopping. walking around. in sydney you dont take the public transport. the form of private transport you have is your legs. walk to school, walk to church, walk to chinatown, walk to city centre, walk to darling harbour, walk to wherever is walkable. (in hopes to reduce weight) but not likely. the reason will be outlined in the following paragraph.

food wise i've been ta paoing almost everyday. too lazy to cook. no mood. to many things to clear and clean after cooking. it all boils down to too lazy. wahahaha. ta paoing meals almost everyday means the money in my wallet decreases faster than i expected. shoots. hmmm need to think of something.

i can't wait from term break to come. actually i can't wait to clear all mid sems. my brain needs a violent jump start. suggestions anyone? cuz the PRCs here who work damn hard is not enough to frighten me into action. so you can see how bad i am now.

today's mid sem was unusual. for the first time i was hard pressed for time to complete 20 finanace mcqs within an hour. in the last 3 mins i still had 5 qns that i dont know how to do. but i managed to finish everything. just. crazy. next few mid sems are all essays. joy.

FOCUS!

alright lethea darling. you gotta snap out of it. snap out of lala land now. be rational. don't get carried away. focus. focus. focus. school fees are exhorbitant. so is the rent. focus. start studying now. stop thinking about other things. it won't come to reality.

postgrad

postgrad postgrad postgrad postgrad. its not registering in my mind. it doesnt feel like postgrad. it feels like i'm STILL doing my bachelors. oh my gosh. starting school tmr. 2 free days still. monday and thurs. wed until 9pm. GAH! tues start at 3 end at 6. wed's the killer day. 10-1, 4-5, 6-9. i gonna walk home in the dark!!!!!aie!!!!!!!! scary!!!!!! thurs free. friday 2-5pm. cannot go for afternoon mass. shucks. one of the things that bug me is the church near my place doesnt sit well with me. its the whole ambience, the priests, the sermons... i wanna go to the cathedral but its kinda far. need to take a train. sigh. adelaide was so much easier. its been a long time since i had friday classes. haha.

parents left this afternoon. its so quiet. but then again i have my privacy again and i will be able to do things the way i want. wahahaha. but its gonna be alot more hassle compared to living in adelaide. need to settle my meals by myself everyday, wash the toilet, and need to clean an additional floor cuz i have 2 levels in my mini-apartment. most irritating thing out of the 3 is settle my meals. breakfast is bread. what about lunch and dinner? argh. at least i only need to wash the toilet once a week. hah.

sydney biz and econ postgrad cohort is filled with mainlanders. 99.5% of them are mainlanders. 60% out of the 99.5% take masters in accounting. my econs cohort? i went for the orientation and there were only about 20 pple there. only 6 of us are non mainlanders. looks like i'm gonna have problems communicating cuz my chinese aint average. its below mediocre. what a great opportunity to improve. more often than not i feel like an idiot when talking in chinese to a mainlander. apparently, masters in econs aint a walk in a park. director said its a rigourous course. i should think so.... we paid more than peanuts for it.

going to check out the library tmr. flip through my books tonight. see what i am up against. sigh.